Alone

Over this weekend of Labor Day…
I was alone…I missed my little dog more than ever…
I was overcome by grief many times and could not stop feeling so sad…so much grief…so much sorrow…
I tried reaching out to my boys when I went to drop off some stuff and check on the house situation…
Being young men, I don’t think then even heard or could feel my need to be consoled or empathized with…
We worked a bit together and that helped just being around them…
I reached out to my daughters, to one to call me and the other to visit…but it was not to be over the next two and ½ days…and I get it…both have their families to take care of and most of the time they make some time for me…but this time when I felt I needed it most life got in the way…and it made me feel more alone than ever…

I’ve been alone again at my little house, and I could not stop my grief from overtaking me…I so loved my little buddy and I never felt alone when he was with me…and I enjoyed the solitude with him, I always have… I have been thrown to my knees…emotionally and figuratively…
And I have cried out to God and yes he has been with me from the day Bullet got killed and I believe he has spoken to me all along but I still grieve the loss of Bullet…I had just got back from a yoga retreat in Santa Barbara that I used to clear my head and try to find some closure…it really was a great time and what I needed… but this labor day weekend has been the hardest on me…I can only believe that this was meant for me… to be alone and pour out all the sadness that I have left…I pray that it is so…I have never known the fear of thinking and feeling one is all alone…but I know it now and it is frighting. Perhaps that is what God chose to show me…my innermost fear…