My Trips & Adventures
Here lies the people that I’ve had the pleasure to work with and the places I am going to or plan to partake in an adventure!
MOJAVE PRESERVE
I first visited the MNP on a photo trip with California Center for the Digital Arts…where I started my joy of learning photography! Had a great time and it was a learning experience. So much so that I made my first trip in the van there. I had moved to Vegas and the drive is less than 2 hours to go by Cima road exit or the Kelbaker exit in Baker CA. The dirt roads were in good shape and I really didn’t need 4 wheel drive but I used it anyway! Was still pulling a trailer with enough stuff to rebuild the van if needed! At the time I was thinking that I was a off grid guy that needed everything! Ive changed that as I found that I am a week or two out their guy and like to come back to a home base! Visited the train depot, hole in the wall campground, the lava tube and Mid Hills Campground which is where I will stay on my next trip, Mid Hills is up high enough that you get in a mix of pinyon pines and juniper trees! Not to mention a bit cooler! No water, but vault toilets and a place for trash…dogs are permitted leashed only! Dispersed camping is allowed in MNP, in pervious used spots. No collecting firewood so bring your own. Lots of cool stuff to get good photos…Kelso sand dunes is there also I might just have to take a peek on the next trip…
THE EVENT
Well I made it out the door and into the wilderness!
That is after I made it to my daughter Allison’s home and her significant other Yory! All part of the plan to come and deal with my son Zachary’s death…I could not deal with the tragedy of his sudden demise and she handled all of the duties that I should have done…it took me almost a year of grief and sadness to be able to plan and do this trip to put my son to rest…so much guilt and regret and anger…the support and understanding my children, and friends gave me during that time especially, Allison and Tony, was much needed and will never be forgotten… more on that as my acceptance of all that had happened comes to fruition.
I was unable to think, feel or do anything for the 1st months after his death…I had already been planning to hit the road and finally start my travels! was finishing up some important job related things, working on getting the house settled, by getting my daughter to move in and take over the responsibility of taking care of a house or I was selling it…i did not want to keep paying any of the mortgage and bills just to give my son, and jordan ( zacs best friend from Jr. high and still was up to when he died,i had just let him move in a few months earlier he was losing his apartment, more on Jordan later) a safe place to live. All attempts at other room mates had failed over the years and only ended up costing me money and grief…Ashlee said she wanted to move in but was still unsure with it all…her man, her kids, and events in their lives all were making her undecided…and then Zacs death took us all by surprise and my whole perspective on life and how swift the end can come…made me change my whole line of thinking…as i grieved my sons death…i did find some direction and that was that i was not going to let my remaining children get to the place where Zac had fallen too…i told my daughters that they needed to make up their minds on what they needed to have to help them get to a new spot and leave their troubles behind them…Allison told me hers and i did what she asked…i told ashlee that it was now or never if she wanted the house she had to commit or let it be gone.
She asked for time, at the end of the year…for me it was a blessing in disguise…i had a project that made me keep busy! Doing work on the house for them to move in! Some work related projects came up and I was in town! I was able to find a bit of solace and put aside my grief that had me in its grip and left me unable to do anything for myself for the 1st few months after he was gone…a much needed awakening that saved me from total despair…alas it did not all go away…after Christmas and the moving of Ashlee in i was struck by so much guilt that i totally shut down…guilt about having Allison do all the arrangements, while i stayed in california…me thinking that i should have done more to help Zac that I was to blame for his death, all the past troubles Zac and i had were my fault, and anything that i enjoyed was wrong, and so much more…it was the closest i came to going back out after 25 years of being clean and sober…but with the help of my family and friends i slowly started to wake up and i realized i needed to go get my sons remains and make peace with myself!
Zac was cremated and I decided to spread his ashes in the wilderness in Colorado where he found his dream and then fell back into a bad place and died…
So here I am! In Colorado on my mission of taking care of my Son and to start the healing of myself…
