THE RESTING PLACE

I made the decision that this trip will be the one where I will find the palace for me to say goodbye to Zac…i heard something yesterday while watching TV with Zacs mom Cathy that really hit home…be it a month later…we were watching “Blacklist” and the episode was the one were Resler loses his back again love of his life and Remminton tells him that the tragic loss that he felt was going to haunt him and be the 1st thing that he will think of when he wakes up in the the morning…but he will survive and carry on and one day, perhaps it will be the second thing he thinks of… that hit me hard and good at the same time…because Zacs death had been with me and haunting me for so many days turning into weeks then months and i was holding on to it why he was gone and blaming myself for not being able to prevent it…i did not want to let go if i was hurting and punishing myself it was the right thing to do…after i heard exchange of emotions from those actors, i then realized it was true for me…i am slowly coming back to life…and i will say that my memories of Zac are better now remembering the good times and yes i am still grieving…but since i put him to rest…i can move on not forgetting but not living in the emotion that i lost my son and he is gone.
Now on to how I found the spot where I laid my son’s ashes and my grief to rest.

After the 1st two trips off of rampart range road i decided that i needed new territory to explore. My future son-in-law had given me a few suggestions and one of them was Gold Camp Road. Which sounded very nice and had good reviews, the other was Phantom Canyon Rd. Close enough to each other that if one did not feel right the other may hold promise.

So I got up the gumption to ask my daughter to give me Zac’s cremation box, his Quran, and prayer mat. These are all that was left of my son. Allison was the one who went to his apartment the day after he passed to go to the hospital and see him on life support and go and talk to his girlfriend and gather a few things at my request that I could remember him by. It was not a pretty scene for her. We as a family did not approve of her for many a good reason. I dont want to get into that as i need to honor the forgiveness i received from God on to her to forgive the role that she had played in his demise. His phone was erased and locked when Allison got it and there was nothing in his/there apartment that was a good reminder of him besides his Quran and prayer mat…i was so angry that his phone was locked i thought it would help me figure out the why, and yes she did it and even told allison she did…but now im glad that i didn’t have access to Zacs personal conversations, texts, or pictures. It would have just fueled anger and might have put me on that road that I escaped from over 26 years ago…